The Reluctant Receptionist

let me make a suggestion: if you’re battling clinical depression (am i? probably not. this is probably just a long, protracted sadness. maybe the word for it is ennui. maybe i should look that word up before i try to use it in a piece of writing. maybe.) and are hung over and were at the beer garden seven hours ago and then talked to your ex-boyfriend and then laid awake thinking about the polite, content-less conversation you just had, don’t listen to aimee mann on the way to work. and, for god’s sake, whatever you do, if you have to listen to aimee mann don’t listen to “31 today” or “how am i different.” it’s not worth the risk.

i went to astoria last night to see cory, because i haven’t seen him since the three of us went to new jersey (not the new jersey you think of when you hear ‘new jersey,’ all strip malls and car dealerships, but the nice part, the northernmost part, which is full of ski resorts and organic farms). i was afraid that i’d be interrupting a visit with his friend mike, but when i got there i discovered that it would just be the two of us, so we had the chance to talk. all my friends—not just me, but most of us—seem to be going through something. i was telling cory yesterday that it isn’t just phong breaking up with me and having to find a new house. and it isn’t moving, and it isn’t my grandpa(s) dying, and it isn’t everyone getting married while i barrel, single, towards 30. it’s all of it, and it’s none of it.

i’m not a big no doubt fan (although i do like gwen stefani’s questionable but ballsy fashion choices) but i keep thinking about their second major-label album, the difficult, too-grown-up return of saturn. i never knew what a saturn return was until two weeks ago when i was talking to my friend michael (another ex. apparently my life is just populated with exes.) and he said something about it. if you don’t know what it is, then go here. you know that i don’t really do astrology or fate or crystals (except the ones whose last name are gale), but the concept of the saturn return has really been hitting me lately. we’re all in this incredible upheaval: everything seems to be flipping on its head, at least when it comes to my inner life. outwardly, everything is the same except that i’m not with phong anymore. inwardly, everything has changed.