The Reluctant Receptionist

i’m having a bit of a conundrum when it comes to heartbreak express (heretofore to be referred to as HBX). it’s not that i don’t know it well enough—i do, and, incredibly, i’m not hunting around for notes and sliding up and down a scale trying to match pitch. which made me think during last night’s practice that george has possibly, purposefully made this easier to learn melodically than other things he’s written for me. and i hope that’s not the case because i certainly don’t want something dumbed down for me. then again, i love that i was actually able to learn this in three weeks. so dumb away!

anyway, on to my conundrum. i find—and this has always been the case—that i have to choose between really great vocal production (or as close to really great as i ever get) and “acting.” when it’s the former, i find myself singing completely blank-eyed and floorward. there’s something about looking toward the floor, it seems, that makes that whole creating-the-right-shape-in-my-throat-and-neck-and-mouth thing easier. when i start to “act,” the first step of which is trying to keep my eyes generally at the horizon, which, since i let myself get in a really bad habit, has started to feel like looking up, all kinds of weird things happen. it feels different to sing that way; my breath feels a little less connected; the pingy, resonant sound that i’ve worked so hard with ira to achieve isn’t as easy to get.

i probably should’ve thought about this before three days before the debut. in a way, i’m proud of myself for the way i’ve worked on HBX this week, for the focused, intensive practicing of it i’ve been doing. i actually went through my score and marked action verbs and adjectives to remind myself what my character is doing and when. i want to be like madeline kahn, who, as reported by michael, had written into her score every single quirk and slight of the wrist, down to the beat. i want to have a plan for the way that i’m going to pull this off, rather than doing what i’ve always done and getting out there and assuming i can just wing it.

but for all that to happen, i have to get myself into the text. if i can get myself into the text, line by line, instead of singing a string of really pretty consonants and vowels that mean absolutely nothing, then i can get myself into the character. but as soon as that happens, i stop thinking enough about production and the sound suffers. so this rehearsal this week has me looking toward the future a little, i guess. this is something to work on, i mean. i’m going to sing the premieres on friday and saturday, eating up the text and character and hopefully giving the audience something they’ll remember, and i’ll try to get my singing as best in line as possible. will anyone besides me ever really hear the difference? no, but i’m a perfectionist. that’s why i’m a singer.