The Reluctant Receptionist

last night’s audition went fine. musician friends, you’ll know what i mean when i say this: i sang well, but i didn’t nail it. you know the times when you walk out and you’re just like, “yeah. i was in the moment, my voice was there, my acting was there, i was all over that.” and then there are times like last night when, for some reason, you can’t get out of your head and you’re just kind of phoning it in. it sounds perfectly nice, but is it going to land you a role in a 20th century opera? probably not. i’m not being down on myself, i’m being realistic with myself as an auditioner. maybe, though, i’ll be surprised. they could also offer me a cover, or something, which would also be greatly appreciated.

it’s kind of strange to me how much my mood seems to be directly related to the weather these days. i never used to be like this, or at least i didn’t notice if i was. i’d spend entire winters in indiana frozen to the bone, only 8 hours of dreary daylight a day. then again, i was playing around and it was college and i was going to study sessions with amanda where we’d all lay around on the floor of the queer center and eat breadsticks and coke-in-a-box (these incredible, huge to-go fountain containers that stapled at the top) from marvin’s, our just-off-campus greasy food place. all college towns have them, don’t they? these places that people hold fond memories of because it’s where they’d order food in at 2 o’clock in the morning, or drunkenly stumble to, or subject their parents to when they visited. i don’t think that my parents ever went, come to think of it. i know for a fact, though, that i dragged them to la charreada, a place whose mexican food wasn’t anything compared to that in ponca, but is stellar compared to what we get in the city. but enough dragging you down food-college memory lane.

i can’t tell if my elevated mood is hangover from my vacation or just because it’s a little warmer/more bearable outside. or maybe it’s because i’m leaving for adult opera camp in six weeks and i can see a light at the end of the tunnel (although, obviously, that light includes being away from phong for 7 weeks and not having a paycheck, which means that the light of the end of the tunnel sometimes looks more like a train’s headlights). whatever the reason, i have spring fever. i can’t wait to get out into the sunshine, feel the air on my bare ass arms. it makes me want to actually go out and do things, to enjoy this city we live in. like, um, go to choir rehearsal.